so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
