I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
