I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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