Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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