I have demons in me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
