Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
