imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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