I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
