Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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