He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
