just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
