I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
