I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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