I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize