I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
