im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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