areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
