Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
