Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
