She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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