I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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