This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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