dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
