I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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