Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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