I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
