I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
