so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize