Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
