she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
