We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love you. Go after that dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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