I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
