Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
