Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
