So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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