She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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