Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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