Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is her dick bigger than yours?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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