Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Houston, we have a blender
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
