Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
