you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
