Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
