um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
