she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
