my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
