So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
