I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
