Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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