Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
