I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
