and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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