i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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