quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
