I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
