He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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