We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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