Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
