Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
