yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
