god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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