loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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