whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize