you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
