Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize