dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
