Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
