he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
being pregnant is like rehab
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
