Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize