theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
