My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
