I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
