Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize