She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
