Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
