AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
is it fun? or sober?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
