What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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