I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
