There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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