is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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