Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
